khichuri - the collection

Knowing the effort !

2010-01-26T21:47:00.000+05:30

A giant ship engine failed. The ship's owners tried one expert after another, but none of them could figure but how to fix the engine.

Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a young. He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work. He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom.

Two of the ship's owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what to do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer away. The engine was fixed!

A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for ten thousand dollars.

"What?!" the owners exclaimed. "He hardly did anything!"

So they wrote the old man a note saying, "Please send us an itemized bill."

The man sent a bill that read:

Tapping with a hammer...... ......... ........ $ 2.00
Knowing where to tap.......... ......... ...... $ 9, 998.00

Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort makes all the difference!

Where was "Love" born?

2009-12-19T02:27:00.004+05:30

Question : Where was "Love" born?

Answer : Of course, In China

Because it has no Warranty and Guarantee !!

"Chale toh Chand Tak Nahin toh Sham Tak"

SBI Branch

2009-11-12T00:37:00.000+05:30

One of my friend forwarded this picture. Check out the name / address of the branch. :)

Picture says a thousand words : Funny Pic

2009-10-26T01:08:00.000+05:30

Found this on internet. Found really funny and relevant so blogging it.

Who makes difference in your life?

2009-08-27T19:24:00.001+05:30

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America Contest.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.

6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. They are not second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier?

The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are NOT the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones who care.

First fly!

2009-06-17T22:57:00.002+05:30

Direct link: http://ibnlive.in.com/videos/95114/obama-gets-the-sucker-swats-fly-on-tv.html

Aircraft maintenance log

2009-05-31T10:58:00.000+05:30

After every flight, XYZ pilots fill out a form called a problem sheet, which conveys to the mechanics, problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The engineers read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the sheets before the next flight.
Of course, the ground crew and engineers have a sense of humor too.
So, here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by XYZ pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

(By the way, XYZ is the only major airline that has never had an accident.)

read on .... : )

P = The problem logged by the pilot
S = The solution logged by the engineers

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level .

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

Thank God you're a man

2009-01-30T12:44:00.002+05:30

The picture says all. :)

Famous Rejection Lines from Women

2009-01-28T09:09:00.001+05:30

…and what they really mean.

10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing kid in ‘Deliverance.’)

9. There’s a slight difference in our ages. (I don’t want to do my dad.)

8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way. (You are the ugliest dork I’ve ever laid eyes on.)

7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don’t want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I’m seeing.)

6. I’ve got a boyfriend. (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry’s.)

5. I don’t date men where I work. (I wouldn’t date you if you were in the same ’solar system’, much less the same building.)

4. It’s not you, it’s me. (It’s you.)

3. I’m concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

2. I’m celibate. (I’ve sworn off only the men like you.)

1. Let’s be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It’s the male perspective thing.)

Think Smart : Investment Plan !

2009-01-08T16:28:00.000+05:30

If you purchased Rs1,00,000 of Delta Airlines stock 1 year ago, you would have Rs 4,900 today.

If you purchased Rs1,00,000 of AIG stock 1 year ago, you would have Rs 3,300 today.

If you purchased Rs.1,00,000of Lehman Brothers stock 1 year ago, you would have Rs 0.0 today.

But, if you purchased Rs.1,00,000 worth of beer 1 year ago, drank all the beer, returned the aluminum cans for a recycling refund, you would have Rs. 21,400!!!

Think Smart!!

Happy New Year

2009-01-04T13:16:00.001+05:30

Better late than never. Happy New Year. Hope this new year you can find your own ways to help yourself through.

Tackling Over-weight : The other way round

2008-11-24T00:25:00.002+05:30

Sign of tough times ahead

2008-11-18T15:23:00.001+05:30

Chacha kaise ho ???

Chacha: ab kya batau....
Bada beta share broker hai...
2nd beta Jet Airways me hai
3rd one is in banking me aur

4th one is in Software

sabse chhota PANWALA hai...

…… Bus Wohi ghar chala raha hai....

Organ Donor

2008-11-09T13:32:00.002+05:30

Don't stare : Cleavage

2008-10-31T16:20:00.001+05:30

courtesy : Bits and Pieces

Breast Cancer campaign

2008-09-29T23:04:00.001+05:30

Controlling Life !

2008-09-23T13:21:00.001+05:30

America's Version

2008-09-18T18:25:00.002+05:30

Innovative "No Parking" Sign

2008-09-05T16:37:00.003+05:30

Murphy's other 15 laws

2008-08-27T12:01:00.001+05:30

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

3. He, who laughs last, thinks slowest.

4. A day without sunshine is like, well . night.

5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.

7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.

9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

11. The things that come to those that wait, may be the things left by those, who got there first.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

14. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark.

15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people, who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

courtesy : http://bitsandpieces.us/

A difficult choice !

2008-08-05T14:13:00.000+05:30

courtesy : http://www.deathofretailprice.com/

UN Survey !

2008-05-16T12:11:00.000+05:30

A World wide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure,
In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant,
In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant,
In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant,
In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant,
In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant,
In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant,
And in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant!

Self Appraisal

2008-03-18T11:59:00.001+05:30

A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a
soda carton and pulled it over to the telephone. He
climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the
buttons on the phone and proceeded to punch in seven
digits (phone numbers).

The store-owner observed and listened to the
conversation:

Boy: "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your
lawn?
Woman: (at the other end of the phone line): "I
already have someone to cut my lawn."

Boy: "Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of
the person who cuts your lawn now."
Woman: I'm very satisfied with the person who is
presently cutting my lawn.

Boy: (with more perseverance): "Lady, I'll even sweep
your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will
have the prettiest lawn in all of Palm beach , Florida
."
Woman: No, thank you.

With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the
receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all
this, walked over to the boy.

Store Owner: "Son... I like your attitude; I like that
positive spirit and would like to offer you a job."
Boy: "No thanks,

Store Owner: But you were really pleading for one.
Boy: No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the
job I already have. I am the one who is working for
that lady, I was talking to!"

This is what called as "Self Appraisal"

Nissan Pathfinder ad

2007-12-31T00:22:00.000+05:30

Interesting Facts

2007-11-15T13:56:00.000+05:30

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years
2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador
3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?November
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs
7) What was King George VI's first name? Albert
8) What colour is a purple finch? Crimson
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand
10) What is the colour of the black box in a commercial airplane? Orange [of course]

(Italic word(s) are answer to the questions.)

One is enough : Enjoy

2007-10-19T23:55:00.000+05:30

Bengali

One Bengali = poet.

Two Bengalis = a film society.

Three Bengalis = political party.

Four Bengalis = two political parties.

More than four Bengali's = Countrywide agitation to bring Ganguli into Team .

Bihari

One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav.

Two Biharis = booth-capturing squad.

Three Biharis = caste killing.

Four Biharis = entire literate population of Patna .

Punjabi

One Punjabi =100 kg hulk named Pinky.

Two Punjabis = Pinky with his bigger brother Twinky.

Three Punjabis = assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds.

Four Punjabis = combined IQ equal to one.

UP Bhaiyya

One UP bhaiyya = a milkman.

Two UP bhaiyyas = halwai shop.

Three UP bhaiyyas = a fist-fight in the UP assembly.

Four UP bhaiyyas = mosque-destruction squad.

Gujju

One Gujju = share-broker in a Bombay train.

Two Gujjus = rummy game in a Bombay train.

Three Gujjus = Bombay 's noisiest restaurant.

Four Gujjus = stock market scam.

Andhraite

One Andhraite = chili farmer.

Two Andhraites = software company in New Jersey .

Three Andhraites = Naxalite outfit.

Four Andhraites = song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie.

Kashmiri

One Kashmiri = carpet salesman.

Two Kashmiris = carpet factory.

Three Kashmiris = terrorist outfit.

Four Kashmiris = shoot-at-sight order.

Tamil-Brahmin

One Tam-Brahm = priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple.

Two Tam-Brahms = Maths tuition class.

Three Tam-Brahms = Queue outside the U.S consulate at 4 a.m.

Four Tam-Brahms = Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara

Mumbaikar

One Mumbaikar = footpath vada-pav stall.

Two Mumbaikars= film studio.

Three Mumbaikars = slum.

Four Mumbaikars = The number of people standing on your foot in the train at rush hour.

Sindhi

One Sindhi = currency racket.

Two Sindhis = papad factory.

Three Sindhis = duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar .

Four Sindhis = Hong Kong Retail Traders Association.

Marwari

One Marwari = The neighbourhood foodstuffs adulterator.

Two Marwaris = 50% of Calcutta

Three Marwaris = Finish off all Gujaratis & Sindhis.

Four Marwaris = Threaten the Jews as a community.

Haryanvi

One Haryanavi = tube light

Two Haryanavi = agriculture

Three Haryannavi= Lathi squad

Four Haryanavi = actually just one was enough
Mallu

One Mallu = coconut stall.

Two Mallus = a boat race.

Three Mallus = Gulf job racket.

Four Mallus = oil slick.

Virtual Barbershop

2007-05-29T14:45:00.000+05:30

Courtesy: Manish Thapar

Before and After marriage

2007-05-23T15:19:00.000+05:30

Before the marriage:

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.

She: Do you want me to leave?

He: NO! Don't even think about it.

She: Do you love me?

He: Of course!

She: Have you ever cheated on me?

He: NO! Why you even asking?

She: Will you kiss me?

He: Yes!

She: Will you hit me?

He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!

She: Can I trust you?

He: Yes.

Now after the marriage you can read it from below to up !!!!

Google thinks "she" can't invent

2007-05-12T09:27:00.000+05:30

Interesting! Google thinks female can't invent. Try searching for "she invented", it will suggest you to change the search to "he invented".

Change!

2007-05-06T18:20:00.000+05:30

MBA RE-TEST!!!

2007-03-23T18:31:00.000+05:30

ONE NIGHT 4 MBA STUDENTS WERE PLAYING TILL LATE NIGHT AND DIDN'T STUDY FOR
THE TEST WHICH WAS SCHEDULED FOR THE NEXT DAY.
IN THE MORNING THEY THOUGHT OF A PLAN. THEY MADE THEMSELVES LOOK AS
DIRTY AND WEIRD AS THEY COULD WITH GREASE AND DIRT. THEY THEN WENT UP
TO THE DEAN AND SAID THAT THEY HAD GONE OUT TO A WEDDING LAST NIGHT AND
ON THEIR RETURN THE TYRE OF THEIR CAR BURST AND THEY HAD TO PUSH THE
CAR ALL THE WAY BACK AND THAT THEY WERE IN NO CONDITION TO APPEAR FOR
THE TEST.

SO THE DEAN SAID THEY CAN HAVE THE RETEST AFTER 3 DAYS.THEY SAID THEY WILL
BE READY BY THAT TIME. ON THE THIRD DAY THEY APPEARED BEFORE THE DEAN.THE
DEAN SAID THAT THIS WAS A SPECIAL CONDITION TEST. ALL FOUR WERE REQUIRED
TO SIT IN SEPERATE CLASSROOMS FOR THE TEST

THEY ALL AGREED AS THEY HAD
PREPARED WELL IN THE LAST THREE DAYS.
THE TEST CONSISTED OF 2 QUESTIONS WITH TOTAL OF 100 MARKS.

Q .1. YOUR NAME .........................( 2 MARKS )
Q.2 . WHICH TYRE BURST ................( 98 MARKS ).

a) Front Left
b) Front Right
c) Back Left
d) Back Right .....!!!

Why is festival of Diwali celebrated?

2007-03-08T13:24:00.000+05:30

A young second generation Indian in the US was asked by his mother to explain the significance of "Diwali" to his younger Brother, this is how he went about it...

" So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him. But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kind of a bitch, and she forced her husband to, like, send this cool-dude, he was Ram, to some national forest or something... Since he was going, for like, something like more than 10 years or so.. he decided to get his wife and his bro along... you know...so that they could all chill out together.

But Dude, the forest was reeeeal scary shit... really man...they had monkeys and devils and shit like that. But this dude, Ram, kicked with darts and bows and arrows... so it was fine. But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And boy, was our man, and also his bro, Laxman, pissed..... all the gods were with him...

So anyways,you don't mess with gods. So, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys.. Dude, don't ask me how they trained the damn monkeys... just go along with me, ok... .. so, Ram, Lax and their monkeys whip this gangsta's ass in his own hood.

Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the forest and anyways...it gets kinda boring,you know... no TV or malls or shit like that. So,they decided to hitch a ride back home... and when the people realize that our dude, his bro and the wife are back home... they thought, well, you know, at least they deserve something nice... and they didn't have any bars or clubs in those days... so they couldn't take them out for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and shit...and since they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps also. so it was pretty cooool... you know with all those fireworks. Really, they even had some local band play along with the fireworks and you know, what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding.., that was the very first music-synchronized fireworks... you know, like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and stuff, you know.

And, so dude, that was how, like, this festival started.

Twenty Great One Liner

2007-03-06T12:41:00.000+05:30

1. Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving.

2. Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.

3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband !

4. They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

5. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

6. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

7. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without... but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

8. You can't buy love . . . but you do pay heavily for it.

9. True friends stab you in the front.

10. Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.

11. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

12. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

13. My boyfriend and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and he agrees with me.

14. Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

15. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

16. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

17. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

18. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

19. Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.

20. Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books .

Reverse Appraisal !

2007-01-23T14:58:00.000+05:30

Job market few years down the line ...

2007-01-11T18:24:00.000+05:30

Muti-Purpose !

2007-01-11T12:31:00.000+05:30

Home renovators looking to bring life to the smallest room in their home now have the chance -- with a toilet that doubles as an aquarium. The Fish 'n Flush is a clear two-piece toilet tank that replaces a standard toilet tank, with a see-through aquarium wrapping itself around a conventional toilet tank.

courtesy : Yahoo Photo.

Plutoed !

2007-01-09T15:29:00.000+05:30

'Plutoed' - derived after the then planet Pluto is demoted from planet status.
Meaning - Demoted.

This is the word of the year 2006.

Tongue Twisters

2006-12-11T18:27:00.000+05:30

1.If you understand, say "understand" . If you don't understand, say "don't understand". But if you understand and say "don't understand". How do I understand that you understand? Understand!

2.I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.

3.Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.

4.A sailor went to sea to see, what he could see. And all he could see was sea, sea, sea.

5.Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People

6.If two witches were watching two watches, which witch would watch which watch?

7.I thought a thought.But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought. If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn't have thought so much.

8.Once a fellow met a fellow In a field of beans. Said a fellow to a fellow, "If a fellow asks a fellow, Can a fellow tell a fellow What a fellow means?"

9.Mr Inside went over to see Mr Outside. Mr Inside stood outside and called to MrOutside inside. Mr Outside answered Mr Inside from inside and Told Mr Inside to come inside. Mr Inside said "NO", and told Mr Outside to come outside. MrOutside and Mr Inside argued from inside and outside about going outside or coming inside. Finally, Mr Outside coaxed Mr Inside to come inside, then both Mr Outside and Mr Inside went ou tside to the riverside.

10. SHE SELLS SEA SHELLS ON THE SEA SHORE , BUT THE SEA SHELLS THAT SHE SELLS, ON THE SEA SHORE ARE NOT THE REAL ONES

11.The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.

12.If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors?
"When a doctor falls ill another doctor doctor's the doctor. Does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctor the doctor in his own way or does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctors the doctor in the doctor's way"

13.We surely shall see the sun shine shortly. Whether the weather be fine, Or whether the weather be not, Whether the weather be cold Or whether the weather be hot, We'll weather the weather Whatever the weather, Whether we like it or not. watch? Whether the weather is hot. Whether the weather is cold. Whether the weather is either or not. It is whether we like it or not.

14.Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.

15.A flea and a fly in a flue Said the fly "Oh what should we do" Said the flea" Let us fly Said the fly"Let us flee" So they flew through a flaw in the flue

16.If you tell Tom to tell a tongue-twister his tongue will be twisted as tongue-tw ister twists tongues.

17.Mr. See owned a saw.And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw Before Soar saw See, Which made Soar sore.Had Soar seen See's saw Before See sawed Soar's seesaw, See's saw would not have sawed Soar's seesaw. So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.But it was sad to see Soar so sore Just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw

Email Ids of the (infamous) Indian Cricket Team.

2006-12-01T09:56:00.000+05:30

1.LAXMAN: available@home- only.com

2.GANGULY: nowdays@no_use. com

3.KUMBLE: only@test_match. com

4.SACHIN: admitted@hospital. com

5.KAIF: good@for_nothing. com

6.SEHWAG: consistently@ out_of_form. com

7.DRAVID: stick@crease_ like_fevicol. com

8.PATHAN: takewickets@ only_with_ kenya.com

9. GREG CHAPPELL only_experiment@ noresult. com

10. Munaf Patel only_line&length@nospeed. com

11.Harbhajan Singh no_spinpitch@ nowicket. com

12. Suresh Raina why_i_am_there@ god_knows. com

13. M S Dhoni swing_ur_ bat@dont hit ball.com

New Nike Shoe ;)

2006-11-22T10:31:00.000+05:30

Great Indian Laughter

2006-11-21T17:43:00.000+05:30

"I can actually check my e-mail from here?" - The Corporate types

2006-11-17T13:17:00.000+05:30

A Corporate Executive decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, until the boat sank! He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day, when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore. In disbelief, he asks her, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

She replies, "I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here when my cruise ship sank." Amazing," he says. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."

"Oh, this?" replies the woman. "I made the boat out of raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."

"But, where did you get the tools?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable, ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware." The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place," she says. After a few hours of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls out off the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck.

As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home sit down, please. Would you like a drink?" "No. No, thank you," he says, still dazed. "Can't take any more coconut juice." "It's not coconut juice," the woman replies. "I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet."

No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What next?"

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines and flowers strategically positioned, and smelling of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her.

"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've been out here for a really long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months?" She stares into his eyes and takes his hand in hers.

He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean," he swallows excitedly and tears start to form in his eyes, " I can actually check my e-mail from here?" !!

Why i fired my secretary...

2006-11-09T20:36:00.000+05:30

Two weeks ago was my 35th birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway.
I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday," and probably have a present for me. She didn't even say "Good Morning," let alone any "Happy Birthday." I thought, "Well, that's wives for you, the children will remember." The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary, Sally, said, "Good morning, boss. Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better; someone had remembered. I worked until noon. Then, Sally knocked on my door and said "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday; let's go to lunch, just you and me." I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go." We went to lunch.

We didn't go where we normally go; we went out to the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable". "Sure," I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday.

And there I sat...on the couch... Naked !!!!!!

Wat u change matters

2006-10-11T19:22:00.000+05:30

What an idea!!

2006-09-29T15:32:00.000+05:30


Indian TV Spot Ad 2006

"don't keep it short"

2006-09-28T13:43:00.000+05:30

Taking a sick leave

2006-09-27T10:58:00.000+05:30

Phone bill

2006-09-19T15:59:00.000+05:30

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting.

Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.

Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone

Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile

Maid: So what is the problem? We all use our work telephones!!

Classic Definitions & Cool Meanings

2006-09-19T12:27:00.000+05:30

1. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end &a fool at the other.
2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationalsare more popular than a five day test.
3. Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degreeand a woman gains her master
4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage
5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of thelecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the mindsof either".
6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the numberpresent.
7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybodybelieves he got the biggest piece.
8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeatedby feminine water-power ..
9. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.
10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens &everybody disagrees later on.
11. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feelingyou have never felt before.
12. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
13. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
14. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
15. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you
17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sittodecide that nothing can be done together.
18. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spokenof when dead.
21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way thatyou actually look forward to the trip.
22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentallyfalls into a river.
23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says inmidway "See I am not injured yet."
24. Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO,Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
25. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
26. Father : A banker provided by nature.
27. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he gotcaught.
28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you areearly.
29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and yourConfidence after.
30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you withhis bills.
31. Software Engineer : One who gets paid for reading and forwardingsuch mails...

I like the way u r thinkin!!

2006-09-18T16:04:00.000+05:30

A teacher in a mathematics period asks a 3rd std class," If there are 3 birds on a tree and u shoot one of them,how many birds would remain?? ".Johnny,the nuaghtiest of the lot, shoots up his hand.
teacher: "ok johnny ,wats the answer?". Johnny: "none,ma'am. teacher: "how?" Johnny:" after hearing the shot ,all the other birds will also fly away." Teacher:"no johnny, the answer here is 2,but I like the way u r thinkin.

now johnny has a doubt.
Johhny: " teacher can i ask u a question? Teacher: "sure" johnny:" there are three ladies havin ice cream at the parlour. the first one is eatin it,the second is lickin it while the third one is suckin on it.can u tell which one of the ladies is married??"
teacher is terribly embaressed,but she puts on a brave face and answers.
Teacher: "I....I......I guess the one which is suckin on the ice cream is married."Johnny:" no ma'am,the one who has the wedding ring on her finger is married,BUT I LIKE THE WAY U R THINKIN." !!!!!

What is the point of taking this pic!!!!

2006-07-24T14:48:00.000+05:30

Beauty of English

2006-07-14T15:43:00.000+05:30

Ever noticed how deleting one word after the other in a sentence can

lead

to a nice story?

Here's an example:

=========================================================

Oh John please don't touch me at all...!

Oh John please don't touch me at...!

Oh John please don't touch...!

Oh John please don't...!

Oh John please...!

Oh John..!

Ohhh......!!!!!!!!!!

ATI KYA KHANDALA

2006-07-05T20:08:00.000+05:30

Hindi: A Kya Bolti Tu ? A Kya Mai Bolu ? Sun Suna Ati Kya Khandala ? Kya karu Ake mai Khandala ? Are Ghumenge, nachenge, gayenge Aish karenge or kya

Urdu - Best
AAP KUCH BOLEIN? HUM KYA BOLEIN?? MULAIZA FARMAYEIN IRSHAD TASHREEF LAYEINGI KHANDALA? KYA KAREIN HUM KHANDALA TASHREEF LAAKE?? ARRE GHOOMEINGE, NAACHEINGE, NAGMEIN SUNAYEINGE, TAFREE KAREINGE ORKYA!!

English : Aye what do you say? Aye what should I say? Listen. Speak on. Coming to khandala? What should I do, coming to khandala? We'll roam, we'll loaf, we'll sing, we'll dance we"ll freak, baby,what else?

Sanskrit : This is too good Aye balike, twam katham kathisyasi Aye balakah aham kim kathisyamh Shrinvasi! Shrunha Kim twam khandaalaa agchasyasi Aham kim kurwasyami khandaalayeh gamisyami, bhramisyami, nryuthyami, gaayami, maja karishma, kim karishyami?

Oriya : Are kana kahuchu tu? Aye kana mu kahibi? Sunu Suna Aasuchu ki Khandala? Kana karibi? Aasiki mu khandala? Are buliba, nachiba, gaiba, Aish kariba aau kana?

Sambalpuri: (Western Oriya local language.) Are kaana karchu tui? Are kaana mui ar karmi? Sun Suna Aaibu kain khandala? Kaana ar karmi aasikina khandala? Are bulma, nachma, gaima, Aish karma ar kaana

Kannada: Ye, Yen heltiya Ye, yen helabeku Kelu Helu Bartiya khadalakke Yen madli nan bandu Khandalakke Are Suttadona,Kuniyona, Maja Madona Matte yenu?
Punjabi : A ! ke boldi tu; A ke mein bolan; Sunh Sunha Chaldi khandala Ki karaan ae ke mein khandala Are Ghoomenge, Turainge, Naachenge, Gaavenge, Mauj Karenge, Aur Ki ?

Gujarati : Aye shun bole tu? Aye hun shun bolu? Sambhal Sambhlaav Aave chey su khandaalaa? Shun karu aaviine khandaalaa? Ghumshun, pharshun, naachshun, gaashun, majaa karshun, beeju shun?

Marathi Aye kaai tu mhantes? Aye kaai mi mhanhu? Aik Aikav Yetes kai khandaalaa? Kai karu yevon mi khandaalaa? Are ghumuyaa, phiruyaa, gavuyaa, nachuyaa, aish karuyaa, aankhin kai?

Kashmiri : Heey, kya chaakh wannan Heev, kya bhe wanneyyyy Booz Wanoo Pakha telle khandalaa; Kya karee weeteth bhe khandalaa Pherevhey, nachevhey, geevevhey, khevevhey, eesh karav, beyy kya?

Konkani : Aye ! kassa sangta tu? Aye ! aao kassa sangu? Saang Saangta Khandalaa yeta ve? Khandalaa yevun kassa kharche? Bhovya, Phireya, Naachya, Gauya, maja korya, anikasane?

Bengali : Ei ki bolis tui Ei ki ar boli Shon Shonaa Jabi ki khondalaa K! i kori giye khondalaa Are, ghurbo, phirbo, nachbo, gaibo, maja korbo ar ki?

Malayalam : Aye yenna pariyunnu? Aye nyan yenna parayan? Kelku Parayu Varunno khandala? Yendu cheyam? Njaan vannu Khandaala? Karangam, paadam, aadam, joli addikam,verendha?

Telugu : Aye, ainte chaepphuta vu Aye,ainte chaepala Vinu Chaeppu Wastava Khandala Yem Chesedhi? vacchi Khandala Thiruguthamu, eguruthamu, aadthaamu, paadthaamu,maja chesthamu inkemi?

Sindhi : Aye cha thi c! haen tu? Aye Maan chaa chavan? Budh Budhai Acheti cha khandaalaa? Cha kandis achi maan khandaalaa? Are Ghumandasi, phirandasi, gayendasi, Nachandasi,aaish kan ! dasi, byo cha?

Magahi : (BIHARI) A ki bolahin tu A kya boliyuow hum Sun Sunaow Aaimahi ki khandala Ki kariaow aake hum khandala Gumbai, Phirbai, naachai, gaayii, aish karbai aur ki

Assamese: ey ki kua tumi? ey ki kom moi? sun suna ahibi ki khandala? ki korim aahi moi kahandalaa are ghurim,phirim,nasim,gaam,khub phurti korim aru ki?

Tamil: Enna solre Ennatha solla mudalla kelu, sari sollu Kandala variya kandala poi enna panrathu Vera enna .oor suthuvom aaduvom paaduvom jalsa pannuvom

Foreign Languages :
German : Was sagst du? Was soll ich sagen? Hor mal! Sag mal! Kommst Nach Khandala? Was machen wir in Khaldala? Wir gehen, spazieren, tanzen, singen, haben spaCx, was noch?

Spanish : Tu que deceas? Yo que deseo? Oye Di me Vas a tu khandaalaa? Que haceo, yo voy en el khandaalaa? Viajamos, vagabundeamos, bailamos, cantamos, disfrutamos, si no.

Chinese : Ain, Chon Zuan Ho? Ain, Chon Hee Zuano? Sui, Suion, Hyuan Chon Khandala? Chon Tsuani Hyui Hee Khandala? Chijuan, Kajuan, Marijuan, Siuan, Samshuan Tsuaniya Tsu Chon?

Russian : Aeich, Kov Speache niv? Aeich, Kov miv Speache? Nuushev,! Nuusheva, Comeva Kov Khandala? Kov Sheychev Comov miv Khandala? Rotiv, Rotrach, Balleva, Opereacha, Enjova Sheychevin, Kov Gobraich?

French :! Aye! qu'est-ceque tu dis? Aye! qu'est-ceque tu me vouler dire? Entendre Entendrez Est-ceque tu viens a la Khandala Qu'est-ceque je fais a aller a la Khandala ? Promenez,! Allez, Dansez, Chantez a quelle?

Zambesi : (African) Aye, Zwa To Zulu, Aye, Zwa Ze Zulu, Wahte, Kaso, Heliyo To Khandaalaa? Zwa Kumi, Helithe Khandaalaa?! Himala, Romala, Wahwahla, Infala, Kumaya Kumana, Ni

Height of Confidence

2006-07-05T15:50:00.000+05:30

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade
next when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Hussein!" a heavily accented voice said, "This is
Gurmukh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala,Punjab. I am ringing to
inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!"

"Well, Gurmukh," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news!
How big is your army"

"Right now," said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, "there is
myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbour Bhagat, and the entire
kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight"

Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men
in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Arrey O! Main kya.. " said Gurmukh. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.

"Mr. Hussein, it is Gurmukh, I'm call ing from Phagwara STD, the war
is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh" Saddam asked.
"Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor."

Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks
and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army
to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke."

"Oh teri ...." said Gurmukh. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.

"Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves
airborne...... We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of
shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four
school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!"

Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes.

My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided,
surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Tera pala hove...." said Gurmuk, "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.

"Kiddan, Mr. Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart"

"Well," said Gurmukh, "we've all had a long chat over a couple of
lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of
wars!"

Fundas of life ...

2006-06-21T14:04:00.000+05:30

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.

The road to success…….. is always under construction.

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.

In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.

All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or with some 1 else!!!

Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.

Everyone has a scheme of getting rich….. which never works.

If at first you don't succeed…. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.

You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.

Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.

***** 42.7% of all statistics is made on the spot. *****

As soon as you mention something…… if it is good, it is taken…. If it is bad, it happens.

He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.

If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late…… the bus is still late.

Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.

When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.

If you have paper, you don't have a pen……. If you have a pen, you don't have paper…… if you have both, no one calls.

You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.

The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.

After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the other.

The last person to be fired or quit is responsible for all the errors until another person is fired or quits.

Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker.

I know my blood is precious….So I am preserving it in ALCOHOL!!!

Marriage quotes and facts

2006-06-20T15:41:00.000+05:30

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let himkeep her. -Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they justcan't face each other, but still they stay together.

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you geta bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "Whatdoes a woman want?

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go toa restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft musicand dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronicbanking. It's called marriage."

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and thesecond one didn't."

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong,admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day hereceived a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can havemine."

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy "You're lucky,mine's still alive."

love vs. marriage

2006-06-19T16:19:00.000+05:30

A student asks a teacher: What is love?

The teacher said: in order to answer your question, go to the paddy field and choose the biggest paddy and come back.
But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick.

The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big paddy, but he wonders....may be there is a bigger one later. Then he sawanother bigger one... but may be there is an even bigger one waiting forhim.
Later, when he finished more than half of the paddy field, he start to realize that the paddy is not as big as the previous one he saw, he know he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted. So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand.

The teacher told him, this is love... you keep looking for a better one, but when later you realize, you have already miss the person

The student asked: What is marriage then?

The teacher said: In order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back.
But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick.

The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he feel satisfied, and came back to the teacher.

The teacher told him, this time you bring back a corn.... you look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get.... this is marriage

Beauty of Maths

2006-06-16T17:26:00.000+05:30

1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111

9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321

Managerial Etiquette

2006-06-14T10:25:00.000+05:30

Junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp.

They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each".

So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries.

"Pfufffff, and he was gone.

Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails.

"Pfufffff, and he was also gone.

The boss calmly said," I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm".

Moral : "Always allow the boss to speak first"

Chanakya neeti

2006-06-11T20:01:00.000+05:30

"A person should not be too honest. Straight trees are cut first and honest people are screwed first."

"Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous."

"The biggest guru-mantra is: Never share your secrets with anybody. It will destroy you."

"There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no friendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth."

"Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Why am I doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful. Only when you think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead."

"As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it."

"The world's biggest power is the youth and beauty of a woman."

"Once you start a working on something, don't be afraid of failure and don't abandon it. People who work sincerely are the happiest."

"The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind. But the goodness of a person spreads in all direction."

"God is not present in idols. Your feelings are your god. The soul is your temple."

"A man is great by deeds, not by birth."

"Never make friends with people who are above or below you in status. Such friendships will never give you any happiness."

"Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend. Your grown up children are your best friends."

"Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind person."

"Education is the best friend. An educated person is respected everywhere. Education beats the beauty and the youth."

- Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)

World wide survey of "Most Embarrassing Moment in human life"

2006-05-26T12:13:00.000+05:30

There was a World wide survey of "Most Embarrassing Moment in human life"
the finale had the following three incidents....

Third Place

"It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over
for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard
the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give
her a piggy-back ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call,
we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled
"SURPRISE!".
My entire family, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all of my friends were standing there ! My girlfriend and I were frozen to the spot in a state of
shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity.
Since then, no-one in my family has planned a surprise party again

Second Place

"While in line at the bank one afternoon, my kid decided to release some pent-up energy and started to run amuck. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself right now, she would
be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice
just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma
that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee(dick) last night!".
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers
stopped what they were doing! I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out
of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing that I heard as the door
closed behind me were the screams of laughter.

And the Winner is...

This one actually happened at Harvard University in October last year.
In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels
found in semen.
A young female (freshman), raised her hand and asked, "If I understand
what you are saying, there is a lot of glucose in male semen, as in sugar?"
"That's correct." responded the professor, going on to add much statistical data.

Raising her hand again, the sweet young thing asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?". After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl
turned bright red and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said
(or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out
of the class, and never returned.
However, as she was going out of the door, the professor's reply was a classic. Totally straight-faced, he answered her question, "It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat!

Math solutions

2006-05-24T19:11:00.000+05:30

Seat Distribution for India's Moon Trip

2006-05-24T15:11:00.000+05:30

No. of Seat Available : 100

25 - OBC
25 - SC
20 - ST
5 - Handicapped
5 - Sports Persons
5 - Terrorist Affected
5 - Kashmiri Migrants
9 - Politicians
and if possible
1 - Astronnaut

Think of this fate Mr.Honourable HRD Minister Arjun Singh and PM Manmohan Singh

Share and Equity Market

2006-05-18T13:06:00.000+05:30

Once upon a time in a village a man appeared who announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs. 10. The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys went out in the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at 10 and as supply started to diminish and villagers started to stop their effort he announced that now he would buy at 20 rupees.

This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching moneys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to 25 and the supply of monkeys became so that it was an effort to even see a monkey let alone catch it.

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at 50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business his assistant would now buy on behalf of the man.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers, "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at 35 and when the man comes back you can sell it to him for 50."
The villagers queued up with all their saving to buy the monkeys.

Phir na woh aadmi mila na us ka assistant...........
Sub-title: after that neither that man returned nor his assistant

Sirf bandar hee bandar.....
Sub-title: only the mokeys were left

Gender of Computer

2006-05-18T12:35:00.000+05:30

An English teacher was explaining to his students the concept of gender association in the English language.

He stated how hurricanes at one time were given feminine names and how ships and planes were usually referred to as "she". One of the students raised their hand and asked - "What gender is a computer"?
The teacher wasn't certain which it was, so he divided the class into two groups, males in one, females in the other, and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

This is how business is done

2006-05-16T15:42:00.000+05:30

Father : I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...ok"

Next Father approaches Bill Gates.

Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"

This is how business is done!!

How to be the Perfect Project Manager

2006-05-15T12:39:00.000+05:30

Source: Why do IT projects fail? - The Economic Times

Here are some tips for mastering the art of project management:
• Everything can be represented in an ordered list. Most of the work of project management is correctly prioritising things and leading the team in carrying them out.
• The three most basic ordered lists are: project goals (vision), list of features, and list of work items.
• They should always be in sync with each other. Each work item contributes to a feature, and each feature contributes to a goal.
• There is a bright yellow line between priority 1 work and everything else.
• Things happen when you say no. If you can't say no, you effectively have no priorities.
• The PM has to keep the team honest and keep them close to reality.
• Knowing the critical path in engineering and team processes enables efficiency.
• You must be both relentless and savvy to make things happen.

A good project manager's primary role is to ensure that people at all levels within and around the project environment are doing their best to enable the project to be successful. This means the companies should look primarily for a people person as PM who is focused on success.

And it is important to choose the right people to manage projects. As much care should be given to the appointment of a project manager for a mission critical project as is given during the hiring process for a key position within the company.

And yet, most organizations have no process for choosing project managers. They also have little idea what skills and personality traits are needed by project managers to help them succeed.

However everyone can't be a project manager. Certain people have an innate ability to do it well, and others do not. But what is required in PMs is the ability to make things happen. Some people are able to apply their skills and talents in whatever combination necessary to move projects forwarded, and others cannot, even if they have the same or superior individual skills.

As to the number of years' experience required depends on the person and the project. Still, it will give an edge if you are a 'certified' project manager.

There are no project management associations in India except NICMAR (National Institution of Construction Management & Research) which has a leadership training programme for the construction industry. However, institutes like Project Management Institute (PMI) from US which has centers in India conducts exams to certify junior and senior project managers.

Nevertheless, industry experts feel that India doesn't have quality project managers when compared to US. And it requires perfect managers to avoid project mismanagement.

Dedication to one's work...

2006-05-03T16:44:00.000+05:30

Effect of Terrorism in fututre

2006-04-22T15:16:00.000+05:30

This may be our future if terrorism doesn't stop.

Listen Before You Interrupt

2006-04-18T21:12:00.000+05:30

Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.

Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother, "Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane........"

At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story.

Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army."

Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt.

For all the chess lover

2006-04-18T15:08:00.000+05:30

Recovered this link from an old mail.Any chess lover person will love to see this link and the chess game.Really worth it :))

http://turbulence.org/spotlight/thinking/

Its important to have friends!!

2006-04-11T15:57:00.000+05:30

Titanic

2006-04-09T18:31:00.000+05:30

Project Manager

2006-04-07T12:06:00.000+05:30

Tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display.

While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a C monkey please".

The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey.

He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, that'll be $5000." The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.

Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Why did it cost so much?"

The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can program in C very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."

The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive! $10,000! What does it do?"

"Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own.
The price tag around its neck read $50,000.

He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the other put together! What on earth does it do?"

The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it doing anything, but the other monkeys call him the project manager."

Drink and Drive

2006-04-06T20:02:00.000+05:30

Caught u !!

2006-03-19T15:45:00.000+05:30

Mistake

2006-03-14T13:28:00.000+05:30

Yet another Sardar Joke

2006-03-03T12:53:00.001+05:30

No blog, no PJ, no inbox(mobile and mail)...almost nothing is completed without a Santa/Banta joke.

Life Saver Sardar

Once a train in Punjab got derailed and entered into the paddy fields. There was a huge panic and cry all over, but the train still kept moving into the fields. After a while the train got back on the rail track and stopped slowly. People got out of the train, with relief.
Some went to the driver to thank him. The driver was a Sardarji.
People asked "Papaji tussi bhot thanks jee.. we all were almost dead. Good u brought back train on the track, but what was the problem,
Why the train got derailed".
Tho Papaji replied, "O jee mention Nott, actually there was a man standing on the track just in front; it was all because of him. People with anger asked, to save that man u had almost killed the entire passengers; instead u should have let the man killed.To this our sardarji replied "Oye jee that is what I wanted to do, (saale ko maarna chahta tha) I wanted to kill him,But he ran into the fields, aur maine peecha kiya"

Water Therapy

2006-02-25T12:31:00.000+05:30

Introduction
Drink six (6) glasses of water (1.5 liters) everyday and avoid medicine, tablets, injections, diagnosis, doctor fees, etc. You can never believe before practicing.

Diseases that have been found to be cured by Water Therapy
1) Blood Pressure / Hypertension
2) Anemia (Blood Shortage)
3) Rheumatism (Pain in joints / muscles)
4) General Paralysis
5) Obesity
6) Arthritis
7) Sinusitis
8) Tachycardia
9) Giddiness
10) Cough
11) Leukemia
12) Asthma
13) Bronchitis
14) Pulmonary Tuberculosis
15) Meningitis
16) Kidney Stones
17) Hyper Acidity
18) Dysentery
19) Gastroenteritis
20) Uterus Cancer
21) Rectal Piodapse
22) Constipation
23) Hostorthobics
24) Diabetes
25) Eye Diseases
26) Ophthalmic Hemorrhage & Opthalmia (Reddisheye)
27) Irregular Menstruation
28) Breast Cancer
29) Laryngitis
30) Headache
31) Leukemia
32) Urogenital Diseases

Therapy Procedure
1) Early morning, after you get up from bed, (without even brushing your teeth) drink 1.5 liters of water i.e., 5 to 6 glasses. Let us all know that ancient Indians termed this therapy as "Usha Paana Chikitsa" . You may wash your face thereafter.
2) Here it is very essential to note that nothing else, neither drinks nor solid food of any sort should be taken within 1 hour before and after drinking these 1.5 liters of water.
3) It is also to be strictly observed that no alcoholic drinks should be taken the previous night.
4) If required, boiled and filtered water may be used for this purpose.
5) It is difficult to drink 1.5 liters of water at one time, but you will get used to it gradually.
6) Initially, while practicing you may drink four glasses first and to balance two glasses after a gap of two minutes.
7) You may find the necessity to urinate 2 to 3 times within an hour, but it will become normal after quite some time.

Note:
It is advised that persons suffering from Arthritis or Rheumatism should practice this therapy thrice a day, i.e. morning, midday and night, 1 hour before meals for one week; and twice a day subsequently until the disease disappears.

How Does Pure Water Act?
1) Consuming ordinary drinking water by the right method purifies human body. It renders the colon more effective by forming new fresh blood, known in medical terms as " Haematopaises". That the mucous folds of the colon and intestines are activated by this method is an undisputed fact, just as the theory that the mucous fold produces new fresh blood.
2) If the colon is cleansed then the nutrients of the food taken several times a day will be absorbed and by the action of the mucous folds they are turned into fresh blood. The blood is all-important in curing ailments and restoring health and for this water should be consumed in a regular pattern.

Correct postures for desktop users!!!!

2006-02-24T21:44:00.000+05:30

Project Manager & Canteen Boy...

2006-02-24T20:45:00.000+05:30

A Project Manager working in an MNC goes to the cafeteria, as usual after lunch for coffee.
He relaxes in canteen. He sees a canteen boy cleaning tables there. So he thinks of having some fun with him.
So he calls him and starts the conversation -

Project Manager - How much do you earn?
The canteen boy just smiles.

Project Manager - What is your name?
The canteen boy gives a gentle look and smiles more now.

Project Manager - What is your future plan?
The boy keeps quiet.

Project Manager - Where do you see yourself 10 years down the line?
The canteen boy gives a cold stare.

Project Manager - Jab mai Bangalore aaya tha tab mere paas bhi kuch nahi tha.
Aaj mere paas kya nahin hai; naam hai, shohrat hai, paisa hai.
Tumhare paas kya hai?

Now scroll down to find out his answer .....
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No..... he didn't answer like Shashi Kapoor of Deewar ki "Mere paas Maa hain!!!"
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The Canteen boy said - Sa'ab, mere paas kaam hai.

The Project Manager leaves the cafeteria silently!!!

Starting the "khichuri" ...

2006-02-23T12:09:00.000+05:30

khichuri - I got the name from a bengali dish, not a special one but very tasty. Its the main prasad of the Shri Shri Durga Puja. Dish by itself is very simple (still I do not know to cook it) but I find it very tasty.
No this blog is not a cookery blog, then why this blog is named after it. The reason is simple this blog is very similar in nature - simple yet 'tasty'.